Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you

So...I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I really don't want to blog everyday. This whole challenge is...well, challenging. =)  

This particular topic is a hard one. I have had someone hurt me pretty recently but I don't want this person to show up on my blog and...well, get hurt. *sigh* It's just not worth saying something I might regret. 

For this reason, I am going to still right a letter but I am going to write it to SOMETHING instead of someone. 

(WARNING: I may be very blunt and I hope I don't offend with TMI)

Dear Mr. Multiple Sclerosis, 

I hate you.

I am sorry that I need to start out so harshly but I wish we had never met.

You just crept into my life and screwed everything up. I am so angry that you are able to mess up my vision, give me random pain, keep me up all night with trips to the bathroom, making me gain 30 pounds, sap all my energy away and kill my sex drive. I hate when you make me forget things. Its so frustrating to be having a conversations and not be able to remember a perfectly obvious word.  I feel as though I aged 30 years in just under one.

Who do you think you are? You know just the things to do to get me down and make me question who I  am any more. I don't feel like the same person since meeting you.

I am constantly worried that you will pay me an unexpected visit. Everyday I wonder when you will come to call and what damage you will do. It scares me that my future with you is so UNKNOWN. I hate the unknown and I hate feeling that you have control over all of it. Am I going to be in a wheel chair, Or am I going to be one of the lucky ones that only has to see you a handful of times with minimum damage? I hope for the latter.

If I never saw you again I would be the happiest person alive. As it is, sometimes just knowing you makes me the saddest person alive. Some days, with the potential for situational depression, medication induced depression, and actual disease induced depression, I wonder if I will ever be happy again. Since meeting you I have had some of the darkest days of my life. Thanks a lot.
However, as much as I hate you and despise you, as much as I fear you and dread a visit from you, I need to accept you. For, I know you will NEVER go away. That is why I have decided to dig deep inside myself and find courage to face you and live with you. I am going to use you and the unknown as inspiration to live each day to the fullest, because I don't know how long I will be this healthy. Every challenge will be faced with the knowledge that it may be the last time I can accomplish it.

Isn't fear just a rush of adrenalin? Isn't adrenalin equivalent to a form of energy? Then why couldn't I channel my fear for you into the motivation I need to be...ME! I can and I will. No, I will not let you control my life. I am in control of my life! I am the one that chooses to react to you NOT the other way around. I may not be able to run away from you but I can learn to adapt to whatever changes you throw at me. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE AGAINST YOU! I WILL NOT GIVE UP!


Sincerely,

ME....Ms. Motivated