On May 12, 2010 I went to the doctor for extreme vertigo and blurred/double vision. The doctor decided that the vertigo was being caused by an inner ear infection. In an inner ear infection a virus can cause a formation of calcium crystals that can float around in the natural fluids of the inner ear canals. The crystals then can 'bump' into the fine nerve fibers of the inner ear throwing off your equilibrium and creating the sensation of spinning. The doctor, however, was not sure about what was causing my sudden change in vision. I had just had an eye exam in February and my vision was 20/20 and my eyes were in good health. The Dr. sent me to get an MRI. This is basically a machine that takes a bunch of pictures of a particular body part in slices. This allows for the Dr. to see a particular organ, like my brain, in layers and see if anything is unusual or hiding. My brain showed 'progression of demyelination of the nerves'. Basically, every nerve has this protective protein coating called myeline. It helps carry messages from the brain to a particular part of the body or particular function. When it has demyelination, the smooth protein cover is damaged and can cause delayed response in actions or loss of function. I looked up demyelination immediately and my heart sunk. The number one cause is Multiple Sclerosis. I tried to remain hopeful that it was something else entirely. The Dr. referred me to a Neurologist. I went in the morning of Tuesday May 18, 2010. After an exam and a look at my MRI the Neurologist informed me I have Multiple Sclerosis. I wasn't shocked at all. I wasn't upset. I was in denial. I told everyone I was fine. I was resolute about just accepting my fate since there is no cure. Once my inner ear infection started to clear up and I could really focus on what just happened, it began to sink in. The more literature I read the more depressed I became. I was angry. I felt so angry at God for throwing another curve ball at me. I felt defeated. How am I suppose to be a full time worker, a wife, a care giver, and an individual with such an unpredictable and debilitating disease? I find that I have now moved on from the anger stage of grief but I find myself moving between the other stages of grief. I have not started treatment yet and the Neurologist wants to run more tests to determine the extent or aggressiveness of my disease. I have a small amount of hope in me that we will be able to slow the progression and get me back to my life.
