One step forward, two steps back

I am feeling seriously frustrated! For the first 24+ hours after surgery Jeff was severely nauseous and throwing up at least once every 2-3 hrs. Yesterday he was finally able to keep a small amount of food down. (i.e. 3 strawberries, a small cup of chicken noodle soup and a half a roll. Yay! The physical therapist got him up twice to walk the halls. The first time he threw up, the second time he was so depleted of any energy due to the lack of food that he barely made it up the Hall and back. I could tell he was so tired. He hadn't slept more than 3 intermittent hours in like 2 days. The physical therapist then informed him that if he doesn't start keeping food down and getting the energy he needs to walk around and do stairs by Friday, he was recommending him to go to rehab center to finish his PT. This knocked the wind out if me. I was NOT excited about this prospect, and neither was Jeff. He all of sudden rallied. He tried to eat some fettuccine from Fazoli's, ate a chocolate chip cookie, some Swedish fish AND some salad!!! Wootwoot! He was chatty and alert and sat in a chair at the bedside. It was so exciting. He was drinking fluids he was getting up to the bathroom, things seemed like they were looking up! I even felt like he slept pretty well last night. Then, morning came. He is nauseous and groggy and doesn't have any energy. He doesn't even feel like he can eat a cracker! What happened?!?!? I was so upset by his regression that I started to sob uncontrollably. Why is he having such a hard time with this? He isn't new to narcotics so why are they doing this to him? Why can't he get over this nausea? It's so frustrating to see all these old farts hauling ass around the unit with their 2 day old knees and hips, and here my DH is sicker than a dog barely able to get up to the bathroom without tossing his cookies. It is so hard to see him this way. I am wearing down and it's only day 3. How am I going to handle 6 weeks of this? I feel so incapable of this right now. I know everyone thinks because I am a nurse I can handle this kind of pressure non-stop, but I really don't think I can. It is so different nursing a loved one v.s. a stranger. I feel like I cant do anything right when I try to help. I feel so selfish that I am having a hard time with all this. Hello, he is the one that just had total knee replacement, and still, it effects me too. I know this is unfair to say but, I miss my husband. I miss having someone strong to take care of me during my emotional melt downs. Sigh, just 6 more weeks.