So, lately, with everything going on...and going wrong, I have found myself often depressed and somewhat hopeless. I would find myself fixated on the lack of miracles or disappointed in not receiving immediate answers to prayers or upset at not receiving the answers I wanted. Recently, I have been reminded that answers to prayers come in different ways and sometimes we have to open our minds...and our hearts to see the small things that God does for us to show us His love. I remember a lesson I once gave on receiving personal revelation. I gave an example of eating a fresh strawberry. The taste is so wonderful and sweet and somewhat subtle. When eaten alone, you get such a wonderful refreshing flavor...but if you took a bite of the strawberry and then took a bite of a jalapeno....the sweet strawberry would get completely lost. It would be as though there were no strawberry at all because the sharp bite of the pepper would over power it. This, I taught, is very much like the Spirit. Its subtle, and soft, and sweet and can so easily be over powered by negative emotions. It can be chased away by anger, depression, and even thoughts of hopelessness. So, when we are feeling the most alone, the most forsaken, we need to take a step back and open our hearts to the Spirit. It is always whispering to us, comforting us, guiding us, but too often we are so caught up in other extreme, sharp emotions that we never even notice it is there.
Gratitude I have felt lately:
*I have an amazingly supportive husband who never gets mad at me or tires of my emotional melt-downs.
*I have wonderful parents that would do anything for me and have been super helpful fixing up the yard and the house when I have been sick.
*I have a job that has great insurance and amazingly supportive co-workers.
*I have the strength to give myself Intramuscular Shots.
*I have been blessed to not have any extreme reactions from my MS maintenance medication
*We have been blessed to qualify for co-pay assistance through the Avonex company. (This means we don't have to find a way to come up with my portion, $864.00 a month, of the medication cost) THIS IS A BIGGIE!!!!
Even when we are in the middle of a massive storm we can find the calmness in the Savior. If we can stop long enough to take a breath, we will be able to see the blessings and love surrounding us.
I went through bitterness, doubts, and am now just getting back to where I should be after trials(well, were actually still there). I'm glad you are where you are. I hope you keep on doing what you're doing. It's so hard when you're going through it, but nice to see where you've come from.
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